Documenting something

Richard didn't seem himself this morning. He was standing as if his back hurt, but he said it did not and assured me he was fine. Later, about 5:30 p.m., he came home from an outing and told me that his eyes got to where it was like tunnel vision (he didn't use those words, but that's what it sounded like) and then it went away. Decades ago, he used to have visual manifestations of what would become migraines.

 

So, just documenting this in case I ever need to remember it. 

Giving strict eating another chance

Not really a Whole30, but kind of like the gist of Whole30. Having done it before, I know I can, but I've been in a weird mind space for almost 10 years about eating and cooling for me alone. Richard and I talked about it and he's all for it. Winnie can cook for herself. No guilt on me.

I've been craving vegetables and healthier options, and so, let's do it. Veggies with every meal. Limited fruits. No added sugar. High protein. Let's go. 

Smoke em if you got em

If you're a pothead, today's your day. April 20. That's today!

 

 

But it's also another day for me - day 2 of doubling down on the reality of my body - taking care of things the way I need to for weight loss/maintenance and diabetes control. I'm logging and covering with insulin, and trying to be mindful.  

Do care

It's so easy to slip between don't care and do care when you're eating to keep your weight level, keep your diabetes in check, and in general, deal with your health. Right now, I care. I'm doubling down today even with the background food talk telling me not to worry about it. Food noise is real and it sucks. Sure sign of an addict. 

Today, though, we fight back. The voices don't rule me. I've put on weight and it has to go. That's just the way it is. Worked too hard to get to where I am and I'm ready to be happy with my body again.  Today, I give a shit. 

 Now to work on giving a fuck. 

Don't care?

I seem to think that I don't care a lot lately. It's not that I don't care. I suspect that I just don't want to waste any of my time on decision making that doesn't matter in the long run. The definition of "long run" isn't what it used to be; I'm 70 now and the long run hain't that long, so every moment counts. Seeming to not care eliminates a lot of adversity. Is this thing right now worth battling over? Probably not. The middle ground shows up a lot sooner than it used to. And it's much more satisfying to relax a little and not let the world and the people in it "break my stride." I have a way to go and probably will still choose to not fall into time wasting mode. Aging is so weird.

  

Eating and aging

Some days, I don't care about food at all. Right now, I'm in the middle of an almost "I don't care" period. 

Now, there's no way I'll achieve an A1c of 7 with this kind of attitude.  

Aging makes it weird - you want to do your best nutrition and exercise wise, and then there are times that I wonder why. I'm 70. How hard do I want to work? Why do I try? Should I keep trying? 

I want to work hard. I like being strong. I like the feeling exercise gives me.

I like my weight, but I'm topping out on my limit; it's a reality. 

I like and am improving my social interactions. 

But there are still days where I don't care to use my free will for my own good.

On another note, Richard accidentally shot a hole in a window in the bullet room last night. Sigh. That's twice he's had gun mishaps. He's also aging and is so upset that he did that, and he's beating himself up. I'm leaning on giving him grace and letting him work through it. It's horrible, but it happens. 

I don't know - sometimes I get fucking tired of being nice. Ooops, I did type that. Maybe I want to be the mistake maker, the jerk, the clueless, and the idiotic. Oh well, I'll be a nice guy regardless.  

 

P.S. This war that orange man has been pursuing is giving me the heebie jeebies. He's threatening to disappear an entire civilization tonight.  

Aging, part 37

 

Yes, I do need a crown. A few weeks ago, I bit down on a Frito, a Scoops Frito to be exact. There must have been a peppercorn or a piece of granite in it because it jammed my tooth up into the gum. Not by much, but enough to cause some major damage, eventual infection, need for antibiotics twice, and led to my now temporary bridge - front tooth! Anyway, in 6 weeks or so, the new crowns and bridge will be ready for my mouth.  

Aging is like a scavenger hunt without the hunt. You don't know what you're going to find, but you are going to find it because your body and the calendar say so. I work very hard to stay mobile, fit, and all that good stuff, but 70 came and went, and dangit, it's weird to be limited by things you cannot control!

I do move a little slower at home, am able to do most things in exercise class and lap swimming that everyone else can do, and though I'm a shitty diabetic, I do try. 

 Let's get into the aging life, shall we? What's next?